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What will you gift yourself, this Christmas? - 17th December 2020
This is not about a gift that can be wrapped, this is about the gifts that reside inside of you and are as yet unexplored.
Christmas is traditionally a time to focus on others. Whether that's about giving gifts, helping out, or making charitable donations, this is the spirit of the season. All completely admirable, of course - provided you have the capacity to give and that you are also taking care of your own needs. Women especially are inclined to neglect and even compromise themselves in favour of putting others first. Not just at Christmas time!
Here are the gifts I suggest you consider giving to yourself this Christmas. The good news is that they will continue to benefit you long after Christmas is done and this year is over. Think of them as gifts for life.
The gift of healthy boundaries
If something just doesn't feel right to you the chances are that someone has crossed one of your personal boundaries. Do you notice yourself "feeling bad" after interacting with others and agreeing with everything they have said? Boundaries are only effective when you assert them!
Were you brought up to be a people pleaser? If so, then you are far from alone! It is possible to change, although it might feel uncomfortable to begin with. You might convince yourself that saying "no" will mean alienating others, that speaking up when things feel wrong will be challenging. This is about being true to yourself ultimately.
The person with no boundaries is a pushover, a bland character with no definition. If you lose one or two people then trust me, they were never really your friends. The great thing is that as you begin to evolve you will attract others on a similar path and your life will improve dramatically.
The gift of self-awareness
Can you become the witness to your own thoughts and actions?
In other words, access a place of awareness where you know you are not your thoughts. That the thoughts are simply the product of your mind which has been conditioned. Do you find yourself acting out the same scenarios time and time again with loved ones? The kind of situation where you almost know what you will say before you say it? Like there's a script that you are acting out? This is a definite sign that you are acting from your conditioning rather than your true self.
What do I mean by conditioning? Those thoughts and actions which you witnessed and absorbed as a child without even realising it. They will have come from observing your parents and other key adults in your life. The way they interacted with you and with each other will have formed beliefs that now feel like your own choices.
Begin to wonder,
Why am I acting like this?
Why do I feel I have to say this?
Why am I over reacting to what has happened?
Just observe yourself! The great news is that as you begin to detach from your conditioning you will find all your relationships begin to improve. Those scripts I mentioned earlier don't work when one of the actors declines to speak his or her lines. The dynamic changes for the better!
The gift of inner peace
No matter what is going on in the external world it is still possible to access stillness and peace. It is possible to step off the merry-go-round of life and experience a deep sense of calm. Even if this is just a few minutes a day it will have an impact on the rest of your day. The more you can access peace and stillness the more you will feel it even when you are busy in your day to day life. Who wouldn't want that for a gift?
My stillness comes from a combination of daily meditation and also time spent in nature. You may already have your own way of accessing this state. If you do, then I encourage you to access it even more often!
I really do recommend meditation if you haven't tried it yet. There are a variety of ways you can learn and I periodically run a course that is via email. Please get in touch if you want to know the next dates.
You can dip your toe into meditation by just choosing to sit quietly whilst placing your attention on something like the ticking of a clock or the rain pattering against the window. Just give all your attention to this sound. Applying your conscious attention in this way will go part way to keeping persistent thoughts at bay. Just ignore any thoughts in favour of your chosen sound and enjoy this for as long as you are able.
This is my last blog post for 2020 and I wish you a very Happy Christmas - do whatever you can to activate the gifts I've listed. They can help you navigate life's challenges with greater ease - this has been my own experience and this is why I share them with you.
If you would like to explore these gifts further and have some guidance, please get in touch and ask me about one to one coaching via Zoom.
Keywords: head-clutter, meditation
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