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Do you care too much about the fate of your clutter? - 24th September 2024
It's one thing to realise you need to declutter, but so many people find it hard to take action with certain items especially. Why? Because even though they don't want this stuff in their home any more, they can't mentally and emotionally let it go.
This difficulty is most likely to arise with items that are personal in some way. Children's clothing and toys, for example. Parents likely accept that their child will outgrow both clothing and play things, but when it comes to taking the items to a charity shop or trying to sell them they feel blocked at some level.
The would-be declutterer gets stuck in thoughts of what kind of person would make the best recipient of the toys or clothes in this example. The more they dwell on such thoughts the more difficult it becomes to let go. Why? Because the person feels like they must track down this perfect recipient and of course that is hardly likely to be possible in most cases.
Why does this happen?
I've pondered this at great length and my conclusion is that this is another version of a person investing their emotions into inanimate objects. If the doll's house was just a dolls' house, if the bobble hat was just a bobble hat, if the tiny shoes were just shoes, there would be no problem. These things would serve their purpose and then they would be passed on to new owners in the normal way.
Instead, what has happened is that the parents have certain memories they associate with all these things. When they think about gifting or selling the items it feels as though they are giving up fond memories to complete strangers! What if the new owners don't play nicely with the dolls' house and it gets broken? What if the new owners have no respect for the emotional value of the dolls' house, the bobble hat and the shoes? The parents can't bear to contemplate that scenario so they hang onto the items. Maybe they put them away, telling themselves the things will come in handy for their grandchildren?
I'm not suggesting that it's wrong to keep momentoes of special times but it is very easy to end up where you are more or less telling yourself that everything is special - of course that's a contradiction in terms.
The nett result of all this subconcious attachment is a cluttered home of course!
What to do about it?
Firstly you must recognise and acknowledge what you are doing - that might not be so easy, but until you do this you cannot progress.
Next you must absolutely trust that when you release these items by your chosen route, that they will be acquired by the perfect new owner. Don't even doubt that this would be the case. You have loved these former possessions so picture yourself releasing them with love into the wider world. Picture your ideal new owners finding your things and imagine the joy they experience when they find exactly what they wanted. Imagine a different little girl playing with that dolls's house and know that she is getting a huge amount of pleasure from it, just as your daughter did a few years ago.
Here we are talking about items relating to children, but the same kind of process can be applied to any kind of item that is proving resistant to decluttering efforts. Inherited items are another common sticking point.
What if I am still stuck?
This simply tells me that your attachment goes deeper for some reason and it is bound to be connected to your own emotional experience at some level. There are reasons why the subconscious clings on in this way and it can be resolved, but it must be done gently and with compassion for the part that is fearful of letting go.
I can likely help you move through this experience with coaching. Maybe just a couple of sessions. Please contact me if any of this resonates and we can have a chat about it.
Keywords: emotions, prevarication
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