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It's time to break some rules! - 10th July 2024
Do you find it impossible to break a rule?
The rules I'm talking about are those that exist solely in your head - nowhere else
It's only in recent years I've become aware that my mind contained a kind of rule book. The rules in this invisible book made sure I always maintained the status quo and kept myself safe. My mind's version of safe is not what you might expect. These rules aren't telling me to stay away from white water rafting or bungee jumping - but they do put the brakes on my independence and freedom of choice. Basically my rule book would always have me defer to others as opposed to tapping into my own wisdom and intuition.
Here's a recent example of how I broke some of my own rules. Funnily enough it's only when I break a specific rule that I realise, 'Gosh, I've never done this before!" Or, "I could never have done this a few months ago!" Or, "I had NO IDEA there was a rule in my head that wanted to stop me doing this!"
Formerly I would have felt some emotional and physical discomfort had I challenged one of my own rules. I would definitely have felt uneasy, my pattern was to not challenge these feelings and instead to take a big step back. Now I am in a position where I register the rule in my head but I keep going with my plan of action.
I can only do this because I am noticing how expansive it feels to act in this way! Why would I not want that?
I decided recently I wanted to bake a cake. I haven't made a cake for ages, but suddenly it felt like a good idea as I had some fruit from the garden I thought I could use in the cake. I scoured the internet for a suitable recipe and found one. So far so good. I didn't have olive oil that was required but I did have rapeseed oil. I figured it would work. I needed flour but when I was in the shop looking at plain flour I noticed spelt plain flour and knew that spelt is supposed to be more healthy and with better flavour, so I bought it. I should also say that the recipe was for blackberries - I had tayberries.
So I mixed up the cake batter and I used 3 ingredients that were different to the recipe!
That was a BIG deal for me and I only realised this to be the case as I was preparing the cake. When it emerged from the oven I confess I was astounded at how good it looked and how delicious it tasted when I sampled a slice. But I had broken my own rules by deviating from the recipe. My internal voice deemed that to be a bad thing because I have never been an intuitive cook and because I always feared culinary disaster. I had previously stuck religiously to recipes believing that was the only route to success.
There was a giddy sense of freedom that landed on me when I got that cake out of the oven!
How do these rules apply to decluttering?
The obvioius point is that when you begin to question and step back from the rule book in your head you are decluttering your headspace. Think of how much of your mental capacity has been dedicated to creating and maintaining these rules! Think of how much you have missed out on because of the way these rules have had you playing small as opposed to living a vibrant joy-filled life.
There is a practical decluttering angle as well. Are you somemone who wants to declutter but finds it impossible to part from certain items despite knowing you really don't want them in your home any more?
Your internal rule book is likely causing this state of stalemate. Most people realise they "can't" declutter something and think no more of it. They assume that's the end of it. But actually what you need to do is ask yourself, "Hmm, for some reason I can't declutter this ugly vase - I wonder what rule exists in my head that is stopping me?"
This is where the gold nuggets of wisdom exist. Your rule book will have a valid reason for why it won't let you proceed with your decluttering. Or at least it's valid to that part of you that needs rules to feel safe. The rule is not helpful to you when you have decided to do a big declutter of your home.
This kind of thing crops up often with my clients, not surprisingly. Common rules are "the ugly vase was VERY expensive" or "the ugly vase belonged to your mother" or "the ugly vase was a gift" but the scope for rules in anyone's head is as individual as you are. Just be curious about the blocks you encounter and if you get stuck, please get in touch for some support. Often it takes another person with some experience to see what is going on.
You've likely been this way for as long as you can remember - but like me, you can rip up that rule book!
Keywords: beliefs, habits
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